ExcerptRewriting the Myth of Perfect TogethernessThe myth of togetherness is a story fraught with perils, for it most often leads to exactly the opposite of togetherness: one partner feels smothered and withdraws. The other feels rejected and abandoned. This push-pull dance of too much closeness or too much distance sets up a high level of anxiety for both partners and too often ends in heartache and separation. It’s possible, however, to rewrite this story of togetherness in a way that makes a better ending possible. Instead of togetherness being a merging of two people in which two halves make a whole, what if togetherness meant a deep commitment to supporting each other’s fulfillment as an individual and as a member of the couple? “A co-creative relationship is one in which two people access more of their creativity as a result of their loving interaction,” write Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks in Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment. “Out of the harmony of a co-committed relationship springs an enhanced energy that enables both partners to make a greater contribution than either one could have made alone.”
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