ExcerptDo You Have the People-Pleasing Syndrome?Pleasing other people—who could find fault with that? Isn’t it a good thing to consider the needs of others, to be gracious, to be nice? By all means! But for many, the desire to please becomes an addictive need to please others, even at the expense of their own health and happiness. It takes a toll on health, relationships and quality of life, and it drowns out the inner voice that may be trying to protect us from overdoing it. “As a people-pleaser, you feel controlled by your need to please others and addicted to their approval,” writes Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., in The Disease to Please. “At the same time, you feel out of control over the pressures and demands on your life that these needs have created.” Take this quiz to see whether you can benefit from learning to say no to others more often—and yes to yourself. 1. I put others’ needs before my own, even when the cost to me and my own happiness is great. 2. If someone needs my help, I can’t say no. In fact, I often find it difficult to say no. And when I do, I feel guilty. 3. To avoid reactions I’m afraid of, I often try to be who others want me to be, to agree with them, to fit in.
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