ExcerptHow Defensive Are You?In her book, Taking the War Out of Our Words: The Art of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, Sharon Ellison estimates that we use 95% of our communications energy being defensive. Indeed, as soon as we feel any threat, either of not getting what we want or of being harmed or put down in some way, we are ready to protect ourselves by being defensive. Imagine how much more enjoyable our communications could be if we learned how to respond nondefensively and to avoid provoking defensiveness in others! Take this quiz to see how defensive you tend to be. 1. When people criticize or judge me, I am quick to point out their own faults. 2. If people are upset or disappointed with me, I let them know with explanations and excuses why they are wrong. 3. I’m always looking for the hidden critical message beneath people’s requests.
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